Your Rating:. Your Comment:. Read Online Download. Great book, Never Split the Difference pdf is enough to raise the goose bumps alone. Add a review Your Rating: Your Comment:. Gold by Chris Cleave. Negotiation begins with the universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, you demonstrate empathy and show a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing.
Good negotiators know that they need to be ready for surprises; great negotiators use their skills to reveal the surprises they are certain to exist. Great negotiators question the assumptions that others accept on faith or in arrogance.
Thus, they remain more emotionally open to all possibilities and more intellectually agile to a fluid situation. People who view negotiation as a battle of arguments become overwhelmed by the voices in their head. Your goal is to uncover as much information as possible. To quiet the voices in your head, make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say. Your goal is to identify what your counterpart actually needs and get them feeling safe enough to talk about what they want.
Negotiation begins with listening, making it about the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin. Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators make.
Put a smile on your face. When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve. Positivity creates mental agility in both you and your counterpart. View assumptions as hypotheses and use the negotiation to test them rigorously.
Mirrors work magic. Repeat the last three words or the critical one to three words of what someone has just said. Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. Use mirrors to encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy.
By repeating back what people say, your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting.
In one study by Richard Wiseman, the average tip of the waiters who mirrored was 70 percent more than of those who used positive reinforcement. Having the right mindset is the key to a successful negotiation. To get your own way without confrontation, follow five simple steps:. Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow.
If you want to increase your neural resonance skills, take a moment right now and practice. As they talk, imagine that you are that person. Visualize yourself in the position they describe and put in as much detail as you can as if you were actually there. It gets you close to someone without asking about external factors you know nothing about.
The trick to spotting feelings is to pay close attention to changes people undergo when they respond to external events. Most often, those events are your words. Labels can be phrased as statements or questions.
The only difference is whether you end the sentence with a downward or upward inflection. But no matter how they end, labels almost always begin with roughly the same words:. I just said it seems like that. The last rule of labeling is silence.
What good negotiators do when labeling is address those underlying emotions. Labeling negatives diffuses them or defuses them, in extreme cases ; labeling positives reinforces them. Labeling helps de-escalate angry confrontations because it makes the person acknowledge their feelings rather than continuing to act out. The fastest and most efficient means of establishing a quick working relationship is to acknowledge the negative and diffuse it.
Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts. And once they know that you are listening, they may tell you something that you can use.
The reasons why a counterpart will not make an agreement with you are often more powerful than why they will make a deal, so focus first on clearing the barriers to agreement. Denying barriers or negative influences gives them credence; get them into the open. A former international hostage negotiator for the FBI offers a new field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations — whether in the boardroom or at home. After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists.
In this practical guide, he shares the nine effective principles — counterintuitive tactics and strategies — you, too, can use to become more persuasive in both your professional and personal lives.
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